Saturday, February 9, 2013

Loving Someone and Dealing With CF.......My response!

I feel a lot of people in our community struggle with this fact.  WE have a disease that really can shorten our life but what happens when we find someone we love and they love us to? I know I wouldn't be half the man I am today without Maria in my life.   I wrote a response to a cyster looking for some advice on this situation. 

Here is her question:

I am for the first time in 22 years completely in love with someone. He's always there for me & supports me day in & day out. I am just still so afraid of being with him because I know I will die young & I don't want to put him through losing me. I've seen it happen too many times & I love him so much I don't want him to go through that. I need help with accepting the fact that someone loves me & wants to take care of me. Does anyone have any advice on how to not let CF ruin an amazing relationship. I always seem to let this stop me from being happy ):

Here is my response:


I am so glad that you have found someone that loves you for YOU. I cannot tell you how important it is to have a supportive spouse or bf/gf in this disease we have. This man in your life will love you unconditionally for you and not because of the disease we have. I know this first person as I have a very very supportive wife. She motivates me every single day I get out of bed. She is my rock in life. I am going to assume this man is your rock in your life as well???
You should accept this person in your life because he sees you for you as NAME and not CF. You have to tell yourself that CF does not define the person you are or the relationships that you will have in your life. CF is obviously a part of your life and you need to be surrounded by people who are positive influences on you and by people who want nothing but the best for you. I have to bet that he motivates you to put your best foot forward everyday you get out of bed?
NAME this is how I feel about life…………it is better to have love and lost then to have never have loved before. I think your man would agree with this statement as well. If everyone in our community thought about our shortened life expectancy than we would never have the dream of getting married and having a future family. There are so many people in our community that are married having children having careers etc. Just because we have a disease doesn’t’ mean that we will have a shortened life. Every day you get in a car or do anything in life there is always a risk of not being here. There could be a drunk driver on the road, you could fall down the stairs etc. The list goes on and on.
I know we will always think about CF in our relationships with our significant others because it is something we have to deal with everyday and our future spouses do as well. But having someone who loves you and cares so much about you in life is priceless. You have to accept this individual in your life because he is also in this journey with you. He wants to love you for who you are NAME and that has to be the greatest thing in the world. Well for me I know it is because I have this wonderful wife in my life who motivates me everyday. I hope this message has helped you!

Here is her response back to me........

Yeah he knew about it long before we dated. He knows how sick I am too. & that I am trying to get on the transplant list & he's still more supportive than anyone has ever been. That itself should say something. It's just so hard to look past it being this sick starting a new relationship.

Here is my last response..............

He seems like the real deal already NAME!! If truly cares that much about you you should allow him to. I assume he motivates you to put your best foot forward every day? These are the people you need in your life positive influences.

If you are to need a transplant you need people like him in your corner. He will motivate you to keep fighting through it all. I have seen others in our community who have a positive spouse/bf or gf during transplant and they have said they couldn't have done it without them by their side. Plus don't you want to see his handsome face once you wake up from the transplant surgery?? I know I would with my now wife!!

I think you can see where I am going with this. You should accept this relationship in your life because ultimately it will make you a stronger person.

Stay strong and keep fighting!!

1 comment:

  1. It seems that one's attitude toward his or her CF has a huge impact on interpersonal relationships, e.g. focusing on being sick vs. focusing on living life fully in the moment. I think self-deprivation and missed opportunities go along with worrying about being sick; those things seem too risky. Living happily with CF means making the most of what you've got to work with and being willing to take risks, such as accepting love from others, along the way.